Dear CEO of Playtex
Yo Playtex,
We would like to acknowledge the generous gift of your Chief Executive Officer, JOEL E. SMILOW ’54, to the Yale Community, of the sum of one million dollars to endow the JOEL E. SMILOW, chair of Head Football Coach.
As members of Yale’s women’s community we would like to draw your attention to the origins of the aforementioned sum. Given that Mr. Smilow holds the position of CEO at the Playtex Corporation, we can only assume that his charitable endowment was accrued by his work in the area of “feminine hygiene.” Basically, women supply his income.
In light of this evidence, we urge you to concider a fresh idea; one that will even further immortalize the name JOEL E. SMILOW in the hearts, minds, and bodies of the poeple/women that make up Yale University.
We hereby propose: the immediate installation of enough “JOEL E. SMILOW” Playtex dispensers to stock the University. These machines, including all the conveniences that technology brings, would hold both deodorized and non-deodorized tampons in every size (slender, medium, super, and super+), as well as sanitary napkins–and each would proudly bear the name of its philanthropic/generous donor-JOEL E. SMILOW.
Imagine a young girl’s/woman delight as she trips lightly into the Silliman Powder Room, passing through the delightful, mirrored decor (eyeing her bloated midsections) to select the feminine product of her choice.
Our current situation is a far cry from this utopian dream. None of the residential colleges’ women’s bathrooms have tampon machines though they all house the monolithic presence of condom dispensers, showing that Yale’s ivy-covered walls are not inhospitable to holding new bathroom fixtures. Speaking of handy places for stocked tampon machines, the women’s locker room at the gym would be nice, and the FIeld House–but then so would any of the classroom and administrative buildings: SSS, WLH, LC…..etc.
If you make our dream a reality, this gift would be a lovely compliment to your previous generosity. Envision:
The Yale Bowl on a crisp fall Saturday. In the stands you might see thousands of beaming, feminine faces, fresh as a daisy, unencumbered by the inconveniences of “that time of the month”. Secure and confident [young co-eds] anxiously anticipating the kickoff.
JOEL E. SMILOW– your name will forever be on the lips of Yale Women.
Boola Boola!
[Hugs and Kisses]
June 16th, 2019 at 9:45 am
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