My Gay Wedding: the planning begins

What do you do when you can’t get legally married where you live?

Go to Canada.

Oh it’s just like the draft, except for the love part and the no killing part. And the h’ors d’oeuvres.

It’s not exactly that flip. I grew up in Canada. my whole family lives in Toronto.

We’ve decided to have the wedding-wedding here in San Francisco where our community a year from June. We originally though it might happen earlier. But between multiple surgeries and unrelated medical school it didn’t.

But we want to be legally married as well. So we’re gong to do that in Toronto. Christmasi-sh-time, because that’s how school holidays are organized. With some family and people to celebrate because my family are Jews and they’re gonna shep naches whenever they can. You want to know why weddings are a big deal to Jews? Because it’s a legitimate occasion for happiness. Those don’t come often, so Jews have to cram all the happiness and tummelling they can whenever they get the chance.

And I’m their oldest child and my mum has watched her friends have weddings so finally, she gets a chance. Let me tell you. If they wait long enough, it won’t matter that it’s a lesbian wedding. It’s a frickin’ wedding. Ladyporn.

And now that Stace is going to med school (in Long Island no less) she’s as good as Jewish. She gets 58 bonus mitzvah points. I thought she was going to be a dance therapist when I met her. The last thing I wanted to do was. like my mother, marry a doctor. (That’s a much longer story, or play, to come later.)

I’m thrilled that they’re thrilled. It was a 10 year journey with my mum to go from glum faces and anxiety attacks to “I want to make a wedding for you.” She came around before it became legal in Canada, but it sure helps.

Stace’s folks haven’t had as long as mine to deal with this and they still live in a small town in the midwest. They’re not planning on inviting extended family or friends to either wedding.

I imagine it’s weirder in some ways to be a parent of someone gay than to be gay yourself. I mean when I came out, I got to sleep with cute girls. What did my parents get out of it?

So now it’s gonna get to the details. This is he part that can make weddings not fun. We will plan our wedding-wedding in San Francisco fully ourselves. Celebrating after City Hall we can leave to the grown ups. My parents want Stace’s folks to feel comfortable too. Who will come? How will the fun happen? Stay tuned…

3 Replies to “My Gay Wedding: the planning begins”

  1. All the best with it. We had a civil partnership ceremony (and big ol wedding) here in the UK last October but are also planning to get properly married over in South Africa (my home) when we go over there later this year. The first wedding was a big affair with all the family etc — hoping for something a little quieter the second time around ;-)

    Good luck and enjoy the planning! The day itself will be over in a flash :-)

  2. Hi ya! Good luck with everything. While I can get a civil union in Connecticut I want to get Married & not Unionized! We’ve been toying with a Canadian wedding for a while. But alas, finances are tight, so I think we’ll get cilvilized? here in CT and rally the troops in the next legislative session until they see that the world won’t come to an end if we can commit to each other, and have a better relationship than a lot of hte “normal” people out there like Britney Spears or my parents or….

  3. I had to giggle about the “excuse for happiness” part, being the only shiksa in my husband’s family, as he is the only person of the book in mine. Also, welcome to New York!

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